Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were trust falling into bushes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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