i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
