Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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