well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
