ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.