So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.