4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
