he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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