I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
