every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
