Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
