he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You need a sexual gate keeper
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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