Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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