Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
