Plan B is the new Plan A
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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