I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
