9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
