Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
