we're blogging at a bar
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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