Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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