Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
