I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
