i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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