So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
