he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
