What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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