Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
