please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
