I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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