Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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