I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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