Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
