there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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