You really coming over, don't trick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
