I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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