I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
grandma shit on top of the toilet
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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