You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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