she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He better not be in your backpack
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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