I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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