some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
