I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
