Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
