we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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