I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
