it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
