Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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