I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
