I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
