i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
