It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
