I have demons in me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
