Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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