i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
