Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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