I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
