I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
