its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
