i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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