I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
