but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
