is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
