Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
