I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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