you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
