dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
