Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
